


We're Forever

by rayraycash



Series: Jaspar Soulmates [2]
Category: Caspar Lee Fandom, Jaspar Fandom, Joe Sugg Fandom, YouTube Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Lack of Communication, Lack of confidence, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, hints of self-hate?, lots of background relationships, marriage talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 01:50:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4985362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayraycash/pseuds/rayraycash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe can't help but think that Caspar has another reason for his blatant refusal of marriage</p><p>...Or the angsty, Jaspar soulmate AU that no one asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Forever

**Author's Note:**

> So I've recently fallen in love with Jaspar and also with Soulmate AUs so here goes nothing...
> 
> Also I'm from the US and while I have been watching literally every one of their videos for weeks now and I think I have a handle on how they speak, I can't guarantee that some of the wordings I use here aren't going to just be horribly American. I apologize in advance.

Joe was awoken for the fourth time that morning by a strong pair of arms squeezing his chest close. Joe groaned and elbowed at the man behind him who was crushing him in a hug.

“Caspar let go, I can’t breathe!” Joe squirmed a bit, trying to break free, but Caspar only held tighter, no sign that he was even awake.

Joe sighed loudly and stopped wriggling when he decided that it wasn’t actually helping. Caspar’s death grip had been getting stronger all morning and at this rate Joe was concerned that he was going to be strangled before Caspar decided to wake up. Gradually though, Caspar’s hold loosened to just a snug grip on the man in front of him, making Joe less concerned and more annoyed.

“Caspar,” Joe said gently and attempted to roll to face Caspar. It took some maneuvering, but Joe managed and came face to face with the taller man which also meant staring straight at the three black dots marked into Caspar’s neck just below his ear, barely missing his jaw line. Joe’s stomach twisted a bit, thinking about how he had three identical dots, in the exact same place on his own neck.

Soulmate Marks.

Joe remembered instantly how terrified he’d been when he’d watched those dots appear on Caspar’s neck the first time they’d met. Caspar, and everyone else at Caspar and Alfie’s shared flat, had been ecstatic, but Joe had just been scared. Four years later, he was still scared, but now for very different reasons.

“Caspar,” Joe said again, louder this time. Caspar didn’t flinch, “Wake up, Caspar, I’m hungry and I’ve got to wee.”

“Five more minutes,” Caspar mumbled back and pulled Joe tighter to his chest.

“No more minutes. I’ve got a crick in my neck,” Joe whined, wiggling around.

“But you’re so warm,” Caspar mumbled back, eyes never even opening. He relented though, finally, and Joe was able to crawl out of their shared bed and get to the toilet. Caspar had rolled over when Joe was finished weeing, seemingly back into a dead sleep, so Joe left him to it and went upstairs to try and find something for breakfast.

He ended up settling on a bowl of cereal, not wanting to cook anything, and nestled himself into the couch to eat. It wasn’t long before Caspar was awake too, and pouring his own bowl of cereal. Caspar went straight over and fit himself against Joe to eat just as Joe was finishing up.

“Zoe and Alfie are coming round today,” Joe told his soulmate and Caspar just nodded, still half asleep by the looks of him. Joe set his empty bowl down on the coffee table and turned a bit so he could twist his left arm around Caspar’s bicep and cuddle closer.

“They’ve set their date, you know. It’s gonna be next October. Zoe wants a fall wedding,” Joe rambled on and Caspar nodded again, this time glancing at the older boy to let him know Caspar was listening. He still didn’t speak.

“They’ve been together forever though, haven’t they? Did you know Alfie before they got together?” Joe asked as Caspar was taking a bite. Joe waited for a moment for him to swallow before he could respond.

“Yeah, we met a month or so before they did, I think. About a year before I moved in with Alfie,” Caspar answered then took another bite. Joe laid his head on Caspar’s shoulder and began picking at the hem of his shirt sleeve. If Caspar noticed the nervous habit, he didn’t mention it.

“Mum has already started sending Zoe event planner’s numbers and things. Zoe says she’s glad for the help, but she’d rather not pay a planner,” Joe mumbled into Caspar’s arm. Caspar put the next bite into his mouth and began chewing loudly.

When Caspar didn’t even acknowledge Joe’s words, Joe sat in silence for a moment, hung between wanting to keep silent and wanting to push forward. He decided to push forward.

“Apparently Alfie was saying he wanted Nala to be the flower girl. Zoe doesn’t think she’ll walk the right way,” Joe chuckled, picturing Nala in a pink frilly tutu, running around a church. Caspar smiled at that, which encouraged Joe on.

“You know, Mum was talking to me the other day about it too. Marriage, I mean,” Joe began and Caspar sighed loudly.

“Joe, why are you so focused on this?” he groaned, leaning away to put his bowl down. Joe let his hands fall away from Caspar’s arm and into his own lap.

“I’m not, I was just saying,” Joe tried explaining himself, but Caspar only cut him off again.

“We’re soulmates, Joe! Why do we need to get married?!” Caspar shouted suddenly, making Joe flinch back into the couch. Caspar seemed to realize what he’d done and took a deep calming breath, “We’re forever. We don’t need a wedding just to prove that to people.”

“I know we don’t need one,” Joe mumbled back, looking down at the fingers he was currently twirling around the string of his joggers. Caspar sighed again and stood, picking up both empty bowls and taking them to the sink. He stood there, washing both of them and even went as far as to dry them and put them away, all while Joe sat awkwardly on the couch.

When the dishes were done though, Caspar walked over to his desktop and pulled up a video and began editing, not even giving Joe a sideways glance. Joe felt his stomach turn uncomfortably and got up, heading downstairs to their bedroom. If Caspar didn’t want to talk, fine. Joe had other things to do too.

Strangely enough though, Joe didn’t have other things to do, so he just went downstairs and sat on their bed, scrolling through tumblr on his laptop. He and Caspar had already had this fight multiple times this month even. Really, it’d been happening since literally every single one of their soulmate coupled friends started getting married.

Now, don’t get Joe wrong here, Caspar is it for him. Wedding or no wedding, they’re going to be together forever, or at least, Joe would really like that. And he’d always just assumed that Caspar wanted that too, but marriage talk had brought out a weird side of Caspar that Joe didn’t like, a side that seemed hesitant to fully commit. As if the three black dots permanently marked into his skin wasn’t enough, Joe wanted something else. Something that Caspar chose himself and wasn’t just forced into, because, to be honest, the whole preplanned soulmate, destiny thing seemed a bit like the universe throwing two people together and saying ‘Now kiss!’ 

Not that Joe was criticizing the process either. He’d been matched with the most amazing person on the planet, and up until four months ago Joe was convinced that Caspar felt the same way, but this whole marriage thing. It was beginning to feel like Caspar was hesitant because he was looking for a way out, and that terrified Joe more than anything. Joe honestly didn’t believe he could even live without Caspar. The only reason he’d let himself get so attached to begin with was because they were soulmates. They were literally made for each other, but what if Caspar didn’t see it that way? What if Caspar decided he didn’t want to legally tie himself down in case something better came along? What if Caspar wasn’t actually happy at all?

Tears started to pool in the corners of Joe’s eyes as his mind raced. He pushed his laptop away from him and dropped his head into his hands, rubbing harshly at his eyes. Why was he feeling this way? Caspar had never done a single thing to make Joe question his loyalty. Caspar was the affectionate one. Caspar had practically forced himself into Joe’s personal space back when they’d first met, refusing to let Joe keep his distance. Caspar pushed for him and Joe to move in together. Caspar had always been the driving force behind their relationship, always pushing them closer together, so what was going on now? 

Joe snapped out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. He quickly wiped at his eyes and did his best to look like he’d just been scrolling on his computer. Caspar walked into the room a moment later. He walked over to the closet, pulling out clothes to change into and laying them next to Joe on the bed.

Caspar changed silently and Joe kept scrolling on his computer, trying to seem like he was actually reading. When Caspar was finished though, he crawled onto the bed behind Joe and slipped his arms around Joe’s chest, pulling him close and resting his chin on Joe’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Caspar whispered and pecked Joe’s cheek.

“I love you too,” Joe whispered back, resting his head against Caspar’s. Joe felt a warm tingling under his skin where his and Caspar’s soulmate marks were pressing together and let out a calming breath.

“I don’t want you to be upset,” Caspar confessed, still whispering. Joe continued scrolling, desperate to seem like he wasn’t having some sort of mental crisis.

“I’m not upset,” Joe lied. Caspar reached around his soulmate’s tiny frame and gently closed the laptop. Joe didn’t know what to do with his hands then, so he started tugging on the string of his joggers.

“You were crying.”

“Not because of you. ‘Was crying because of a video. A dog got covered in tar and some people saved him. It was really emotional.”

“Joe.”

“It was, Caspar. I’ll show you! You’ll cry,” Joe defended himself, but Caspar reached out and grabbed Joe’s hands before he could get hold of the laptop. Caspar threaded their fingers together and pulled them to rest against Joe’s chest, cuddling him even closer into Caspar.

“I don’t want to get married because I don’t think we have anything to prove. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I don’t think we need a piece of paper to do that,” Caspar whispered into the silent bedroom.

Joe nodded his head but stayed quiet. Caspar gave him a gentle squeeze and nuzzled his neck into Joe’s pressing their marks together and sending a pleasant shiver down Joe’s spine.

“Zoe texted. She says her and Alfie are getting on the train in Brighton,” Caspar whispered. Joe nodded again and Caspar continued, “That means we’ve got a bit of time to ourselves…”

Joe felt a smile pulling at his mouth as Caspar untangled their fingers just to wrap his arms tighter around Joe’s chest. “You’ve just got your clothes on, though,” Joe pointed out but didn’t pull away as Caspar began pressing kisses into his neck.

“I don’t need to undress to have fun,” Caspar said back between kisses.

“We’re not doing anything if you’re wearing clothes,” Joe warned jokingly, laughing when Caspar’s breath tickled his neck.

“Alright, I guess it’ll just have to wait,” Caspar sighed, unwrapping himself from Joe completely and beginning to get off the bed. Joe grabbed for him though and pulled him back. Caspar acted surprised and looked expectantly at Joe.

“I suppose undressing wouldn’t hurt,” Joe smirked and Caspar fell directly onto his soulmate, trapping him against the bed.

“I suppose that too.”

 

Caspar’s affection, thankfully, didn’t end later that day when Zoe and Alfie arrived. Zoe was first through the door, hugging Joe close to her and kissing his cheek while Alfie and Caspar exchanged pleasantries.

As soon as they’d all said hello and made their way to the couch Caspar had smashed himself up right next to Joe and had both arms around him as they caught up with their friends. Joe didn’t miss Zoe’s pointed looks and small smirks when Caspar would fix Joe’s fringe or pull him closer.

As they sat around catching up, conversation slowly drifted to all of their friends and then very quickly shifted to couples talk. Marcus and Naomi had extended their honeymoon another week, that was now three extra weeks on top of the two they’d planned for their trip. Caspar only knew because he was meant to be checking up on their flat while they were away. Jim and Tanya were expecting, finally, and Zoe and Tanya had already begun discussing potential baby names. Then there was Dan and Phil, who had been engaged for years but refused to do anything about it. Alfie laughed when Zoe told everyone that Dan was pushing for a courthouse ceremony, but Phil refused only because his mum had been planning their wedding since the day they’d been “soulmated”.

“Mum’s been doing the same thing though!” Zoe confessed, “She’s got a binder for both of us!”

Caspar’s grip on Joe tightened and Joe rubbed his hand down Caspar’s thigh, trying to soothe him.

“She does!” Alfie confirmed, “She pulled them out the other day when we visited. Yours is a lot more detailed though, suppose because you’re the baby and all.”

“No, it’s because she knows Joe won’t like planning and he’ll just let her do whatever she likes,” Zoe laughed and covered her mouth. The engagement ring on her finger sparkled in the light suddenly and Joe felt his stomach twist.

He wanted that. He wanted it so badly that he felt like crying. He smiled and laughed though, squeezing Caspar’s thigh and looking back at him. Caspar was smiling too, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s true though,” Joe spoke up, smiling at his soulmate. Caspar at least smiled back genuinely. “If we were to get married I’d let mum do whatever she liked. Your mum too. They’d both probably have skype meetings, planning the whole thing.”

“What do you mean, if?” Zoe asked suddenly, “Caspar, you’ve got to make an honest man out of my brother.” Caspar laughed it off and snuggled into Joe’s neck, but Joe could feel the tension rolling off of him. Joe laughed along too though, not wanting to give up the charade.

The rest of the day was full of catching up and even some vlogging that featured quite a few Jaspar moments. Zoe in particular seemed really adamant about telling Joe how much she couldn’t wait for him and Caspar to get married. So much so, that by the end of the day Caspar wasn’t quite as close, wasn’t quite as touchy, and wasn’t quite as talkative. And when Alfie and Zoe said goodbye that evening to get their train back to Brighton, Joe was dreading Caspar’s mood.

Caspar didn’t say anything at first, just walked into the kitchen area and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. He stopped at the sink and started tidying up from where they’d all made dinner. Joe walked over and sat at a barstool facing his soulmate. Usually this position was reversed. Caspar never cleaned up after dinner.

“That was a good day, I’d say. They haven’t been ‘round here in a while,” Joe spoke up wanting to break the silence. He realized his mistake quickly after though. Caspar whirled around and slammed his hands on the counter facing Joe.

“What was that Joe?!” Caspar yelled, shocking Joe almost out of his chair, “I didn’t think marriage was a thing your whole extended family gets to decide on! And Zoe, all day long was just going on and on about our wedding!”

“I didn’t ask her to do that!” Joe yelled back, but Caspar wasn’t letting it go.

“Like fucking hell you didn’t,” he huffed angrily and turned back to a sink for a moment.

“I didn’t Caspar,” Joe whined desperately, “Mum and Zoe have just got it in their heads that you want to wait and they’re trying to push things along. That’s all, it’s all harmless.”

“Then tell them we’re not waiting, we just don’t want to be married,” Caspar grunted, grabbing a plate and scrubbing it.

“But…” Joe paused, he could feel the tears again and he wanted so badly for Caspar to not be angry, but he couldn’t just let this go anymore, “but I want to be married.”

“Why?” Caspar snapped, staring angrily at Joe then back down at the plate, “Why do you want to waste money on some big ceremony that changes nothing? You want to throw a party? Let’s throw a party! We can go on holiday somewhere romantic instead. Why does there need to be a wedding?”

“Why not?!” Joe shouted back, through with Caspar’s ridiculous attitude about this whole thing, “What harm will it be?! You say we can throw a party, fine! Let’s do it and also sign a bloody marriage license! Then we can go on a romantic holiday and call it whatever we like! Or we could just not go on a holiday, I don’t care! I just,” Joe ran out of words and just grunted in frustration before sighing and whispering out, “Why are you so against marrying me?”

Caspar seemed to get it then. He put down the plate and turned to look at Joe. He chewed his lip for a moment and Joe was just waiting for the kill shot. Waiting for Caspar to say something like, ‘I don’t love you anymore,’ or ‘I want something else, someone else’. That didn’t come though. Caspar took another deep breath and walked closer to Joe, grabbing his hands over the counter.

“I love you, Joseph Sugg. I’ve loved you forever, even before we met, I loved you. You are my everything and you always will be. We are forever and,” Caspar swallowed thickly and turned his head, exposing his soulmate mark, “this mark proves that, not some piece of paper.”

“Then why does it matter? The mark won’t go away if we’re married,” Joe spoke quickly. Caspar rolled his eyes and went to release Joe’s hands but Joe didn’t let go, “You know who doesn’t care if we’re soulmates? The government. I want kids Caspar, and I know you do too and they don’t adopt to just two people. They adopt to couples, married couples. If we get a surrogate only the name of the biological father will be on the birth certificate.” Caspar tried to pull away again, but Joe clung harder, “What if one of us gets hurt? Hospitals don’t recognize soulmates as family. If anything happened to you I wouldn’t be allowed anything. I’d be completely cut off.”

“Is this your way of forcing me into marriage? Scare me to get some ring and a garden party reception at your mum’s?” Caspar accused and Joe felt the stab of his words deep. Joe let go of Caspar’s hands then and stood from his seat, getting away like he’d been burned.

“I don’t need a bloody ring Caspar! I just…” Joe slapped his hands to his head and yanked at his hair, letting out a scream, “Why is it such a bad thing that I want to fully commit myself to you?!”

“What the fuck is this, Joe?!” Caspar yelled frantically pointing at his mark.

“I didn’t choose that!” Joe screamed back and started waving his arms, gesturing wildly, “I didn’t choose you and you didn’t choose me! We got stuck together because of this bloody fucking mark, but we didn’t get to choose! Marriage is our choice. I fucking… AHHHH! Caspar, I want to choose you! I want to be given a chance to choose you! For one fucking moment I want to feel like we got a choice and I want to feel like we weren’t just forced into this.”

“So you think I’m forcing you into staying with me?” Caspar asked immediately, and Joe shot back an, “Of course not, Caspar.”

“Then you think I feel forced?” Caspar asked this question a bit more nicely, though the edge was still there. Joe felt his chest constrict and his eyes welled up with tears and he tried really hard to keep a straight face, but Caspar was just staring at him so angrily and Joe couldn’t for the life of him think of why, if given the choice, Caspar would’ve ever chosen him.

“I don’t know Caspar,” Joe choked this out pitifully and a stray tear fell from his eye. Joe wiped it away quickly. He could hear the tears in his shaking voice and he knew he was only moments from a sob. “I just… why don’t you want to marry me?”

Caspar was wrapped around him in a second, kissing the top of his head as he squeezed Joe tightly to his chest. Joe let himself go then and his whole body shook with the force of the first sob. He clung tightly to Caspar, breathing in the scent that had always been so comforting.

“I’ll always choose you, Joe. Always,” Caspar whispered into his ear, running his thumb along Joe’s mark. Joe felt himself relaxing, at the contact but it wasn’t enough. He felt ridiculous for crying, but he just couldn’t stop.

“I-I just, C-Caspar, I-I c-can’t…” Joe tried to speak, but Caspar shh’d him, kissing his hair and running his thumb over the soulmate mark to soothe the smaller man. It wasn’t long before Caspar scooped Joe up and carried him downstairs.

Joe fell asleep that night clinging desperately to his soulmate with Caspar whispering sweet words in his ear until Joe’s sniffles had turned into deep, even breaths.

The next morning Joe awoke to the familiar feeling of Caspar’s arms wrapped around him. He stretched up so that he could see Caspar’s face. Caspar was awake and gave Joe a little smile before giving him a peck on the lips.

“G’ morning,” Joe’s voice was scratchy and worn. Caspar leaned down and kissed Joe a little harder then, and when he pulled away Joe thought he saw tears shining in those beautiful blue eyes. Before Joe could ask about it though, Caspar was speaking.

“In South Africa, marriage is only for people who haven’t found their soulmates.” He paused then, glancing away for a moment then looking back to meet Joe’s eyes, “To me, people only get married because they’re scared the person they’re with might leave. Marriage is like an insurance plan in case your partner finds their soulmate and you don’t. You can get something for your trouble in the divorce. All my family that’s been married is divorced now, including my parents and I… I’ve never known people to be happily married.”

Joe frowned slightly at Caspar’s words. He knew Caspar’s parents weren’t soulmates, just like Joe’s parents weren’t, but Caspar had never mentioned any of the other stuff. Joe hadn’t totally processed what Caspar meant when Caspar started talking again.

“I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t want you. I- Joe, I couldn’t live without you. I didn’t really get it before, but… The moment I met you, looked at you, I just, I knew I loved you. You’re my everything and I can’t bear the thought that you would even believe for a moment that I don’t want you every second of the day. You’re like, you’re the only thing I care about most of the time, and to think that I might’ve done something to, to hurt you. I’m,” Caspar sighed now and squeezed his eyes shut only to blink them open a moment later, “Joe, I love you, and I’ll always love you and if you need a marriage license for me to prove that, then so be it.”

“Caspar,” Joe began to protest, but Caspar cut him off.

“No. No, Joe. We’re doing this. We’re getting married, I’ve made up my mind,” Caspar stated and smiled at his soulmate. Joe knew that they needed to talk more about this, but he couldn’t bring himself to fight Caspar’s words. Words he’d been waiting to hear for so long. He just smiled brightly back at his soulmate.

“So that’s it then? I don’t even get a proposal, just a command?” Joe teased back and Caspar chuckled pressing another kiss to Joe’s lips.

“You’ll get a proposal, I suppose. I’ll have to get a ring though. Wait, why have I got to propose? You’re older. You should propose.”

“Why don’t we both propose?” Joe laughed.

“Okay,” Caspar smiled brightly, “But don’t get me a ring though. I’m not a fan of rings, and when we’re married I’ll get a ring so I don’t want two rings. Awww, Joe! How am I meant to wear a wedding ring? I lose things so badly!”

“How about, for our engagement I get you a chain and when we get married you can put your ring on the chain so you won’t lose it?” Joe asked and Caspar smiled again.

“You’re so smart, Joey! That’s why I love you!” Caspar snuggled his face against Joe’s, making Joe laugh and shy away slightly from Caspar’s crazy hair poking him in the face.

“Awww, thanks Caspy. I love you, too.” Joe smiled back when Caspar had finally backed off.

“Forever, right?” Caspar asked and Joe leaned forward to press another hard kiss against Caspar’s lips.

“Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? I think the ending was a bit rushed and also just ended with Caspar completely caving and giving up on his own personal beliefs which probably isn't the best way to start a marriage? I don't know. Maybe I'll write something else where Caspar freaks out about marriage and Joe talks him off the ledge. Would anyone even want to read that? I might enjoy writing it. I don't know, just tell me your thoughts. Please and Thank you.
> 
> Love you all!


End file.
